Students are heading back to school this week – the first day of class for Springfield Public Schools and other area school districts is Tuesday. For some, who've experienced the recent loss of a parent, caregiver or sibling, the start of school can be a difficult time.
Melanie Blair, assistant executive director of Lost & Found Grief Center in Springfield, said, while school can be a welcome reprieve for children who've lost a loved one, it can also be a time of sadness and uncertainty.
"Kids really thrive on structure and routine, and so for that part of it, that's really positive," she said. "However, you know, a little nerve wracking to walk back into an environment where there are high expectations of you, and you're very uncertain of kind of how you're going to feel and when you're going to be feeling that. So it can just be a really kind of scary time for kids as they...walk back in through the school doors."
Blair said communication is key. Adults need to listen to children and make sure they feel safe and loved and supported as they begin a new school year without those they lost.
She said teachers and counselors play a vital role in creating a safe and comforting space for children who are grieving.
"If they can be that person, that if they're having a bad day or something's bothering them," she said, "that they can go to this person, kind of their spokesperson or their representative, if you will, to allow for them the opportunity to maybe tap out if they need to — maybe they need to go to another quiet area, compose themselves if they're kind of upset, not having to do that in front of their peers."
Lost & Found Grief Center suggests notifying your child's teacher to be sure they're aware of the death. Discuss with your child what they feel comfortable sharing so they feel included in the process, according to the center, and if the death occurred over the summer or a child is going to a new school, they might want to keep the death a secret.
Speak to your child's counselor so they can offer professional help if needed.
Make a plan so parents, the teacher and school counselor can communicate.
"Teachers should know that even the most seemingly innocent activity can be overwhelming for a grieving student. Something as simple as an essay prompt that asks, "What did you do over the summer?" could inadvertently force a child to re-live the death of a family member," according to a press release.
Lost & Found offers these tips for teachers and counselors:
- Be aware of potential grief prompts and provide additional support and understanding.
- Let students know their response is normal.
- Provide extra individual attention and support.
- Provide alternative assignments.
- Allow extra time for adjustment to new routines.
- Let the student know you understand things are different and challenging for them and invite them to talk to you about their struggles.
- Check in with these students more frequently to show support and encourage them to share their feelings.
- Establish a communication plan with parents and caregivers.
And parents should take care of themselves, according to Lost & Found. It said research has shown that how grieving children fare is correlated to how their adult caregivers are doing.
Blair said Lost & Found Grief Center can help. They offer individual counseling as well as free support groups for families who have lost a loved one.
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